mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
