Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
