I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize