"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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