thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
