but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
