Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
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You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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