why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
