The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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