I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
