What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
