I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
