we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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