my mouth tastes like poor choices
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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