we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize