the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
