well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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