so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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