Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
