i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
