drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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