Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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