Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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