living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
