haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
