Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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