He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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