I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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