Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
