I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
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There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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