So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
