I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
someone get that fucking seahorse.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
