ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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