it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
