My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
