I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
