Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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