I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
