Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
