my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
