member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
