Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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