shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
