i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
