also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
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the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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