Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
