Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
