So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
