Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
its not stalking. its research.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
