I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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