Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
