You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
