Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
