Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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