I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
