This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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