it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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