We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
