I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
