I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
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