I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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