I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
