Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The struggles of a small town man whore
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
