he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
