My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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