Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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