google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
