we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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