I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
