I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
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After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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