after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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