His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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