Having a random hookup so left but love u
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
