First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
