How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
