Im at strip club and am horny
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
