TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
